"am i able to stay up later than normal? she got to." he asks. it's a fair question.
"you can go to bed at 8:20."
"thank you!"
he's eight. when he was little, he always went to bed far earlier than my friends' kids. bedtime came early, leaving me quiet time to unwind. it was important for both of us.
now, he's eight. approaching adulthood, it seems most days. certainly the teenage years. he's smart, funny, emotional. he has a girlfriend. sleepovers. homework. sports.
when i picked him up from school today, i caught sight of myself in the window's reflection, smiling at him. wrinkles around my eyes.
when did that happen?
i'm drinking wine, watching trashy tv. texting friends. contemplating a house purchase solo. single, grown-ass lady, raising kids and getting older.
i have to chug water to keep hangovers at bay. i have to workout regularly to keep fit. count those carbs. i buy special lotion for my face and under-eye cream.
when did that happen?
it's fascinating to see the transformation in my life. i'm not where i hoped i'd be, but i'm better than i thought i'd be. i know that's vague. my heart has been torn to shreds, continually beaten and still i'm here. and pretty damned strong. i'm a really good mom. a passable friend. a roller coaster of a girlfriend.
sigh.
watching the years creep on, slowly, then all at once ... it's hard not to be completely in awe with the passing of time. the way things go. forever and ever amen.
i watched my face in the reflection for a few seconds, wondering how long i've looked like this. how often i look like this. who sees me like this. will i be remembered like this. etc, etc, and so on and so forth.
32. thirty two.
tick.
tock.
